5 Mistakes Parents Make During Exam Season - And How To Avoid Them!

Exam season is underway and the next six weeks can be challenging for both you and your teenager. Emotions, stress levels and focus are likely to be running high, with teenagers experiencing a sense of urgency and intensity as their exams approach. Your job as a parent is shifting from managing to stabilising them in this period. But many parents wonder how they can help and be involved in this final push without causing tension or conflict. So here are 5 of the most common mistakes parents make during exam season, with a few tips on how to avoid them.

1. Putting too much pressure on your child

It’s completely natural to want your child to do well in exams. But it’s important to remember that they will possibly already be feeling the heat, so you don’t need to add any more logs to the fire.

Signs your child is feeling pressure can be:

• Negative self-talk
• Withdrawing from social situations
• Outburst of anger

Signs you might be unintentionally applying pressure are:

• Criticising their academic understanding or process
• Overreacting to mistakes
• Intervening in their work
• Setting expectations without their input (i.e deciding a career path for them)

Good intentions can add pressure without you even realising it, your desire for them to be successful and happy. This is why praising effort not just achievements is so crucial, so they understand their worth is not just defined by results. There is nothing wrong with having high expectations, but the key is communicating clearly and putting the emphasis on their personal growth and efforts, rather than the end result.

2. Making comparisons

If you think your child could be doing more in their revision, it might be tempting to use comparisons as a way of encouraging or motivating them to pick up the pace. But this motivation comes from a place of scaremongering, however well intentioned. 
Whether it’s comparing them to a sibling, someone else’s child, or even comparing the difficulty of your education, making comparisons will only create tension and add stress to your child.

Other ways to motivate your child are:

• remind them of their goals - sometimes the end goal can get lost on the road of revision, so bringing it back into focus can be a great way to boost motivation.
• remind them of the importance of rest - this can be just as productive as revision, providing their brain with the break it needs to recharge.
• celebrate their effort and resilience - when revision gets a little harder and worries start to creep in, a simple “I’m proud of you” can go a long way.
• plan something fun to do after exams are done - knowing that there is something to look forward to can be all students need to keep pushing themselves.

Remember that education is an entirely personal journey for each person.

3. Constant check-ins

Its very common that parents can feel like outsiders during exam season: at the start of your child’s journey at school, they might have been constantly asking for your help, whereas now you have to trust them to get the work done successfully themselves. So it’s only natural that you might want to make sure they are putting in the hours and the effort to achieve the results they want and need. 
Consistent reminders to study can feel like nagging, which can demotivate students and cause anxiety, making it harder for them to focus. So instead of questions about the quantity of their work, focus on the quality. Rather than asking “how much did you do today”, you can check in daily or weekly with questions like “what was your focus today” or "What was one thing you’re proud of yourself for doing today?". This lets your child know that you are supportive of them and around if they need you, but also that you trust them to be independent and in control of their own studies.

4. Minimising their stress or concerns

Our natural reaction when someone expresses a worry is to reassure them, often with the phrase “it’ll be fine”. This is accompanied during exam season with “it’ll be over soon” and “you just have to get through it”. Whilst these sentiments come from the best intentions in the hope of easing their minds, students have a very valid reason to be anxious or have worries about exams season, so try not to dismiss them. This can lead to students bottling up emotions which can lead to burnout or larger problems with exam stress. Let them have the space to even just vent their worries, and do your best to validate them by saying “lets see if we can find a solution together, and even if we can’t, i’m here for you and support you whatever you need’.

5. Skipping time together as a family

Exam season can be an isolating time so make sure you’re spending time together as a family where your teenager can let off some steam and remind themselves of normality. Even simple things like eating meals together, watching a 30 minute show on TV, or doing an activity together when you all have some free time, can bring your teenager back to the reality of their life and the things that are important. These small, seemingly simple and inconsequential actions can make all the difference, especially if your child is struggling with worries or exam anxieties.

To Sum Up

Nobody is perfect, and it’s important to recognise that you probably won’t get everything right. So don’t put the pressure on yourself to be perfect when this isn't what your child needs. All you have to be this exam season is present. Focus on what you can control, rather than what you can’t and give yourself as much grace as you give your child.